Curious about what spiritual gifts you may have? I was.

Randall Currie (Please print these pages for a permanent record of your analysis.) Share the Spiritual Gifts Analysis with others:
Spiritual Gifts	Strength
Evangelism	10
Prophecy	8
Teaching	20
Exhortation	11
Pastor/Shepherd	9
Showing Mercy	16
Serving	16
Giving	12
Administration	9
About Your Spiritual Gifts Spiritual gifts are tools God gives Christians to do the work of the ministry -- to fulfill the Great Commission to reach, baptize, and teach and to minister to one another. Every Christian receives at least one gift at the moment of salvation. Spiritual gifts are not rewards, are not natural talents, are not a place of service, are not an age-group ministry, and are not a specialty ministry. They express themselves through various ministries which, in turn, accomplish a variety of results. A spiritual gift is the primary channel by which the Holy Spirit ministers through the believer. It is a supernatural capacity for service to God -- and He gives you a supernatural desire to perform the duties of that gift. Spiritual gifts are tools for building the church. They are a source of joy in your Christian life and influence your motives. A spiritual gift is a divine calling with a divine responsibility, because what God has gifted you to do, He has called you to do, and what He has called you to do, He has gifted you to do. Three categories of spiritual gifts exist. CATEGORY ONE: The Miraculous Gifts, generally known today as Charismatic Gifts (apostles, tongues, interpretation of tongues, healing, and miracles). CATEGORY TWO: The Enabling Gifts, which all Christians have the ability to develop (faith, discernment, wisdom, and knowledge -- qualities possessed rather than activities performed). Many scholars combine these gifts with others, based on the similarity of these gift characteristics and the synonyms used by Paul to describe them in Scripture. For example, some scholars combine Discernment with Prophecy, Knowledge with Teaching, Wisdom with Exhortation, and Hospitality with Serving. CATEGORY THREE: the Team Gifts, which are service-, ministry-, task-oriented or are activities performed such as teaching. The Team Gifts are functional and involve speaking or ministering. Chances are, you have several of these gifts that vary in degrees and intensity. In many cases, spiritual gifts may complement your secular employment. The Spiritual Gifts Analysis you took identified your dominant TEAM GIFTS, which will help find your place on GodÕs team in your church. Prayer and serving God will also help you see where God wants you to serve in ministry in your church and daily life. This profile gives you a simple bar graph showing your strengths (higher scores, longer bars) and weaknesses (lower scores, shorter bars) as related to spiritual gifts, and analyzes in-depth your dominant and secondary team gifts which are the ones that will have greater influence in your life. These are the areas where you are gifted to be most effective and efficient and in which you will find it easiest to excel. Your dominant gifts are Teaching, Showing Mercy, Serving The results of your Spiritual Gifts Inventory indicate that your number one dominant gift is TEACHING! The Greek word for teacher "didaskalos" means master, teacher or doctor. As a teacher you are one who communicates knowledge, guides, makes known or relays facts. You are likely more in-depth than the average Sunday school teacher. You have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by making clear the truth of God's Word with accuracy. As a teacher you live to learn and teach (or perhaps write if you teach through the written medium). You should learn to teach in two manners which may be contrary to your nature. The material must be simple so students can understand it, and it must be practical. The pastor/shepherd, the prophet, and the exhorter (those with speaking gifts) usually rely on your resources to help fulfill their responsibilities. You love the Word, enjoy reading, may be a little shy of strangers, are creative and imaginative, and prefer teaching groups over individuals. You are generally confident, self-disciplined, and sometimes technical. You probably love charts, graphs, and lists. You would sometimes rather just do research, but "must teach" because others would not teach it the way you would. The use of a verse out of context upsets you and you question the knowledge of those who teach you. You are organized and enjoy studying. You are so concerned with accuracy that you often dwell on the trivial, giving others the feeling that you give too many details. Some may even think you are boring. Be careful that you are not critical of people who differ with your doctrine and that you do not measure other people's spirituality by their amount of Bible knowledge. Be willing to listen as well as talk. Don't hesitate to read directions and work on developing tolerance for others' mistakes. If you score high in the gift of teaching and very low in the gift of shepherding, you probably won't make a good Sunday school teacher or group leader. Your tendency will be to relay knowledge and not shepherd or minister to the other needs of your students. People who use the gift of teaching in vocational service usually become teachers of teachers, professors, authors, or in-depth researchers. HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR DOMINANT GIFT? You do not necessarily have to teach the Bible to be a help to the church ministry. Although you can help with interpretation or teaching teachers and others, you may teach in areas such as education, business, finance, or computers. You may enjoy writing and developing curriculum. You would probably serve well as a Bible institute teacher or a correspondence course instructor. Your gift also lends itself to the mission field where you could serve as a missionary/teacher. You may want to teach a basic doctrine course to newcomers or new Christians or host quarterly small group studies on different topics. You may enjoy doing research for the pastor or others who teach. The results of your Spiritual Gifts Inventory indicate that your second dominant gift is MERCY SHOWING! The Greek word "ellco" means to feel sympathy with or for others. As a mercy-shower you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by identifying with and comforting those who are in distress. You understand and comfort your fellow Christian. You enter into the grief or happiness of others and have the ability to show empathy which is to feel WITH others, not just for others. As a mercy-shower you are willing to deal with and minister to people who have needs that most people feel very uncomfortable working with. You seem to say the right thing at the right time. Your personality is likely one of soft-spoken love. It hurts you to scold someone; you are very non-condemning. People love you because of all the love you give them. You find it easy to express yourself and are outgoing with a low-key, inoffensive personality. You are easy to talk to, responsive to people, a good listener, peaceable, and agreeable. You tend to make decisions based on feelings more than fact and like to think about things for a while before making a decision. In your burden to comfort others, your heart goes out to the poor, the aged, the ill, the underprivileged, and so on. You tend to attract people who are hurting or rejoicing because you identify with them. Be careful not to let others use you. Try not to resent others who are not as understanding as you. Refrain from becoming a gossiper when you are around other mercy-showers. Do not let your circumstances control you. Because of your supernatural ability to show mercy, others accuse you of taking up for people, being a softy and a compromiser. They may think you are too emotional. Mercy-showers make excellent counselors. However, left untrained, you may destroy yourself by your tendency to take people's problems home with you. Your empathy can become detrimental without personal training on how to deal with it. Beware of Satan's attack on your gift. He can cause pride because of your ability to relate to others. He may influence you to disregard rules and authority. You may experience a lack of discipline because of strong feeling for those who hurt due to disobedience and sin. Don't fall into Satan's trap of complaining and griping. HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR GIFT? Your gift is used best in times of sorrow and in times of great joy. It fits well with another gift of service such as deacon, youth worker or hospital visitation. With a counseling course, you could become a good counselor. You may serve as a hospital, nursing home, or shut-in worker; a funeral coordinator and provider of sympathy and support; or a poverty center worker. You would do well as an usher or greeter and welcome center worker or hospitality person. You may want to work in a telephone ministry. You would make people feel welcome on a newcomer visitation team. Other appropriate ministry areas include missions, committee member, furlough assistance, and correspondence helper. You would work well with the elderly and with people who have mental and physical disabilities, in nursing, and with special ministries to migrants, released offenders or abused children and women. The results of your Spiritual Gifts Inventory indicate that your second dominant gift is SERVING! The Greek word "Diakonia" means to do service. In Acts 6:1 the word is interpreted "ministration." Our word deacon comes from the same Greek word. Actually the gift of serving combines helps and ministering. The word "helps" is used in 1 Corinthians 12:28 and "ministering" in Romans 12:7. As a server you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by rendering practical help in both physical and spiritual matters. You enjoy meeting the practical needs of your fellow Christians and the church. The gift of serving is not the gift God gives you when you cannot do anything else. It is spiritual in nature and as important as any gift in the church. Never think it is anything less; it only becomes less if you do not use it as God intended. As a server you are the person who is willing to do a million and one necessary tasks in the church. You probably do not realize that your love for the Lord is showing every time the doors of the church are open, especially if you oiled the hinges last week so they don't squeak any more. You are happy working behind the scenes. You are ambitious, often involved in a variety of activities, and enjoy manual projects. You are loyal, sincere, tolerant, faithful, and devoted. Most people find you easy going, likable, congenial, and inoffensive. You can listen to others without being critical. You do not like to be in the spotlight and prefer not to express yourself publicly. You are quick to respond to needs and impressed with the need to respond when exhorted to serve. Because of this, you find it difficult to say no. You like to support a good leader. Some consider you a workaholic. You tend to emphasize practical needs over spiritual needs. Be careful that you complete what you start and do not neglect the needs of your own family by trying to meet so many needs in the church or in others' homes. Be willing to read and follow directions in the beginning--not just when all else fails. Because of your quick response, some people think you jump in too fast. Others think you neglect spiritual needs. Beware of Satan's attack on your gift. He can cause pride because of the work you do. He may cause you to feel insignificant or cause you to lack concern for people or for spiritual growth. Impatience and lack of knowledge cause poor-quality workmanship. HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR GIFT? Your gift may put you into action. You may serve as manager of maintenance and grounds. You can do may tasks such as paint the walls, pick up trash, sort hymnals, clean the baptistry, keep the nurseryÐor launder nursery bedding, cook meals, paint signs, drive the bus, help with the choir, run errands, serve as an audio-video worker, help with recordkeeping, be the church librarian, act as a greeter or an usher, serve as a stage hand in drama productions or as a photographer. You may want to help in special ministries such as migrant or community help (with home repairs or meal-on-wheels for the needy and elderly), as a hospitality worker for newcomers, or as an instrumentalist. You may also enjoy beautifying the church ground with flower gardens and landscaping. The list goes on. Building an effective team in your church depends on putting the right people in the right places. The best way to determine what place each person belongs in is by determine everyone's spiritual gifts. But, just discovering your spiritual gift is not enough. Here's the real challenge. Many Christians are asking the question, "What is my spiritual gift?" When in reality they need to be asking, "What is a spiritual gift?" They do not understand the relationships of spiritual gifts. That is, they don't understand how a spiritual gift relates to their life, how it relates to the will of God for their life, how it relates to the lives of those around them, how it relates the local church, or how it relates to the body of Christ as a whole. To give John J. Christian an additional name and make him John J. Exhorter Christian is only doing him an injustice. Having a new name or title does not make you a more effective, more fulfilled, or a better Christian, nor does it give you any more understanding of yourself or those around you. Most contemporary material written on spiritual gifts does an adequate job in helping you recognize, discover, and define what your spiritual gifts are. Also, many do a fine job of teaching on the individual parts of the body, but few complete their teaching by assembling the body, thus showing how church members can work as complementing, effective, and efficient team. Thus, teaching a person only what their spiritual gift is without teaching them what a spiritual gift is, is like giving someone a new tool without giving them the operator's manual. They will never understand it fully nor will they be able to use it to its maximum potential. The same is true with your spiritual gifts. Now that you have taken this inventory and know what your spiritual gifts are, we encourage you to study the principles that revolve around and relate to spiritual gifts. These principles combined with recognizing your gifts have been proven to dramatically change lives AND build churches. We have many resources available to help you better understand your gifts and how they relate to all areas of your life. Plus, we have resources to equip and assist you in teaching spiritual gifts and biblical team building to others. Furthermore, we have teachers who can come to your church and teach private seminars for you group. For additional information on resources or seminars just click on the appropriate button below.
How do you compare with the rest of the Body of Christ?
Laity Most dominant gifts of 917,423 people surveyed Evangelism 3.36% Prophecy 1.35% Teaching 7.71% Exhortation 9.25% Pastor/Shepherd 19.68% Showing Mercy 33.25% Serving 5.68% Giving 2.38% Administration 17.34% Pastors Most dominant gifts of 130,293 people surveyed Evangelism 5.20% Prophecy 1.60% Teaching 8.54% Exhortation 6.39% Pastor/Shepherd 33.85% Showing Mercy 17.39% Serving 3.23% Giving 1.17% Administration 22.64%

Analysis of Comparison Charts Could the results from these comparison charts be skewed? Probably to some degree. Two factors to consider are 1) Results are not compiled from the Christian public at large but only those who are Internet users. 2) On the laity side, a much larger percentage of those taking the spiritual gifts inventory on-line are women (63.7%). Women tend to score high in the Gift of Shepherding because the characteristics of the gift of shepherding are very similar to the God-given instincts of mothering which comes natural to most women. Although many women have the gift of shepherding and it manifests itself in many areas of service, we believe women should consider this factor when evaluating whether or not they actually have the dominant gift of shepherding. They may want to also look closely at their second dominant gift.

Copyright © 1986 Church Growth Institute Forest, Virginia, and Elkton, Maryland, USA 1-800-553-GROW http://www.ChurchGrowth.org

Judgment is coming

When the global economic meltdown comes, more than the credit markets will freeze. All other forms of capital exchange will begin to freeze. This has implications for energy, transportation, agriculture, water and telecommunications utilities, everything. The United States congress WILL hash out a compromise deal acceptable enough to be passed or we shall witness God's judgment upon this nation and the world. Billions will suffer malnutrition, preventable disease, threats of violence, or the loss of democratic freedoms. Millions may even die from starvation, plague, civil unrest, a new tide of totalitarianism. All because we are a divided nation. But are we going to leave Congress unpunished should the worst scenario materialize because of their intransigent pride and selfish ego? In an increasingly nuclear age, the unthinkable has just become possible. I've seen this day coming since 2001 (thanks to my advanced education), but I thought this day would be over a decade from now. Now I feel like America is Babylon and the Persians are at the gate (figuratively, but don't get me started on Israel and Iran's nuclear ambitions). This may be the day history remembers that America finally lost its status as a superpower. But history is only hindsight. Great Britain thought itself a superpower right up until the day Hitler bombed London. Think about it.

Seven years - 9/11

We all remember where we were and what loved ones whose safety we worried for on that terrible day seven years ago. But how much have we really learned? Television and print journalism is as vapid as the day seven months of wall-to-wall coverage was devoted to O.J. Simpson during his murder trial. Congress is now more divided than at any time since the American Civil War (I've already seen a few blows exchanged - shall we see canings and broken chair brawls return too?). Americans have yet to learn that credit card and refinance companies are EVIL and want them to remain in debt bondage to them FOREVER. Many people still value themselves and others more on the value of their materialistic assets than the value of their characters. God will surely judge this nation, perhaps even by our own hands, if we continue to grow in hatred toward one another. And how many of our children have studied George Washington's cautionary farewell address, or even read the Bible, Quran, or Book of Mormon?

"Father God, hear this online prayer. Let not this nation fall into ruin, despair, strife, and war. May those lives cruelly cut short on 9/11 not have been lost in vain. Let us return to the knowledge of your ways, the knowledge of the blessings and trials you have given this nation over its history, and the wisdom to teach our children to revere the gift given to them and all mankind in the American experiment."

Patriautic's Life Story - In a Nutshell

Existence is Futile

Life dawned for me in the 70’s, when the last of the Apollo astronauts were in training for their upcoming trips to the moon, an age of disco balls, bell bottoms and Beatles’ songs. I was born to Ambrose and Marilyn Currie, maiden name Marilyn Swift. I had a bright and sunny disposition and was curious about everything I could reach from my hands and knees. Even at that age, I knew how to be naughty. Thinking she was looking into a little box, and not at me, I plucked a leaf off of one of her plants that I liked putting in my mouth at the time. She still has that photograph to this day. By two years, I was talking, walking and learning the alphabet.

Then, a few months after my second year, something terrible happened. I became very sick for a long time. My skin became pallid. I grew shadows under my eyes, threw frequent tantrums, and cried for hours every single day. Suddenly, I wasn’t talking, my walking was disoriented, and my ability to read Dr. Seuss vanished. I became a shadow in my own world. Mother took me to a couple of doctors. It was suggested to my mother that she was being overly concerned, that I still fell within developmental norms, and that I would “grow out of it” in a few months. One doctor told her she had a colicky baby, as if flatulence explained it all. Eventually, through an intermediary stage of echolalia, I learned to talk again. I regained my coordination and began to run again, though perhaps a little more prone to run off. I also became a prodigious reader and even wrote a couple “books” on blank drawing pads. Though kind of cute, I honestly can’t read my ill-coordinated four-year-old handwriting.

As I grew older, I became aware of two things. The first thing was that I really enjoyed nature, science, and history. I enjoyed collecting and categorizing lists, learning facts and figures, drawing maps and charts, and exploring every facet of the interests I had (planetary science, earth science, astronomy, insects, trains, American history, and imagining the distant past when dinosaurs lived). The second thing I soon became aware of was that my father was someone, or rather something, to be feared. Sadly, domestic violence doesn’t take a vacation just because a child with a form of Autism or severe learning disability is welcomed into the world. Nor does it stop the typical pattern of escalation with each tantrum over the years. My father was the youngest of eight children and came from a large Catholic family, an alcoholic family, a family that abused and largely neglected him. His demons became my reality.

Also, between Kindergarten and the first grade, my mother had me tested at a medical facility where I was first diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Delay. I did not present as classically Autistic, and Asperger’s Syndrome was not present in the diagnostic criteria in the 70’s. I did well under my IEP through the second grade. Then, things changed for the worse. Elementary school administrators were hostile toward my mother and, after several requests for special education services on my behalf, finally put me in the “special” group. I remember languishing at a circular table at the back of the classroom with the “slow kids”, receiving little or no attention most days and being given inane exercises. I was barred from sitting in one of the regular school desks with the other kids. I recall starting to learn multiplication tables in the third grade and then having to eavesdrop on the teacher (who spent most of her time at the front of the room teaching everybody but us) to finish learning them. Everyone, including the teacher who didn’t seem to care, wondered how I was such a whiz with multiplication tables. Nevertheless, I made very little progress in social communication in subsequent years. Had my mother not been so naïve, I am certain I would have been better off struggling in mainstream education. I, along with several other unfortunate souls, remained in a state of educational discard right up until my parents moved. In our new community, as I entered Westborough High School, my mother convinced school administrators there to mainstream me. Between that and the new friends who worked hard to draw me out and get to know me, my arrested social development was finally given a chance to grow. While recollections of my mother help piece my early childhood together, evidence of my developmental trajectory exist. I have no cause to doubt a word of her struggles with IEP planners. It is as much her story as mine.

In elementary school, I started to make a few friends (such as Mike, who enjoyed watching me retch as he squeezed pudding or pizza cheese through his teeth). Unfortunately, other kids also took notice of me and my experiences with bullying began in the fourth grade. All the way up into my junior high years, I dreaded when the teacher would have to leave the room to get materials or remove an unruly student. That was when the bullies would verbally assault me and sometimes surround me in a shout and poke session to encourage “the spaz” into a meltdown. I dreaded the period between classes. That was when the bullies knew they could drop threats, stuff me in my locker, or catch me in the bathroom for a wedgie or swirlie. And I dreaded recess. That was when the bullies made good on their threats with a pummel session, and often when one in particular took my lunch money in payment for “protection”.

Then I would come home and face another bully, one I would dread most when mother was out of the house running errands. This bully got away with very little beyond the usual raging tantrum when she was home. Her intercession on my behalf was as crucial to my life in this world as the blood of Jesus is to the next. But when she was away, I’d be chased around the house, locked in my room, pinned up to the wall with a murderous rage screaming in my face, or have to endure when he sometimes made good on his threat to bring out the belt. Except for a few happy memories, I choose not to remember a whole lot from these years.

Father eventually escalated to throwing things and damaging property. One day, he picked up a plate of hot spaghetti with sauce and shoved it into her face. That was when she told him to get help or get out. That was when he finally started getting therapy. His behavior was still erratic and, a year later, when I was getting set to enter the eighth grade, she asked me if I would be okay if we moved into a place of our own. She had sought help through women’s shelters but, at the time, they all had policies of not taking in children aged 12 or over. Due to rigid Pavlovian thinking, it was assumed that children over a certain age were exposed to the violence and incorrect modeling for too long and thus destined to become like their fathers, if they didn’t already show the outward signs of aggression. So my mother would have gone onto welfare. My father’s narcissistic behavior meant that he spent every penny he could on himself outside the home and never saved a dime. This led to hardship in years past to the point that, to hold onto the house, mother had to skimp on clothing and food. One weekend, when I was ten, I ate nothing for two whole days to “save” what we had. Of course I said absolutely not. How were we going to feed and clothe ourselves on her part-time income alone? But, at that age, I didn’t know people on welfare were living much better than we were at the time. The truth was I was simply afraid of change, poverty, and the unknown. This moment was pivotal, a singular juncture in my life I wish I could take back and do all over again. I love my mother very much, and my decision to let fear stand in the way of her happiness continues to haunt me.

We moved to Westborough, where I went to high school, because my mother had read that it ranked high on the list of school systems back in the mid 80’s. Mother also got rid of the house in Whitinsville and started renting instead. She no longer trusted her husband to be responsible with money and refused to get another house as long as he had to co-sign. It was a financially costly, but necessary decision. Part of the money was used for therapy, both for herself and my father (who today behaves relatively well but is emotionally uninvolved in our affairs – almost like a boarder living in the house). When we first moved to Westborough, my father’s behavior was still tantrum-prone, but at least he was dealing with his issues.

Going to high school in a new community gave me a new lease on life. Sure, I was not a “townie” and I was clearly a science geek, but a couple kids reached out to me and got me to open up and get involved. They encouraged me to try out sports (I did soccer and track & field) and Dan, in particular, was instrumental in getting me into Explorer Post 85, where I worked as a team with fellow high school students on various community service projects and earned certificates in firefighting, fire safety, First Aid, and CPR. These were the first good years of my life and, in so many ways, some of the best. Sadly, this period was marred by the only member of our graduating class to commit suicide. He couldn’t see life beyond a recent breakup with his girlfriend. It was my best high school friend, Dan. My other friends tried to hide the truth of his passing from me. I didn’t appreciate it, but they were stunned too and only thinking of me. In future dark hours, remembering what his life could have been has kept me from giving in to despair. Suicide is the devil’s way of removing light and hope from the world left behind.

Going to college was hard at first. Being on my own in a new environment for the first time was frightening. My parents getting an apartment nearby where I could live with them didn’t do enough to keep me from avoidance behavior. I didn’t apply myself with classes and spent many hours at the bookstore, library, and arcade. By the end of my third semester, my GPA was around 1.2 and I was on academic probation. Starting my third semester, I joined Campus Ambassadors Christian Fellowship and slowly started to open up. New friends began to open up to me. My fourth semester was considerably improved, both academically and socially. By the time I graduated at the end of my fifth year, my GPA was just reaching 3.0 and I had made the Dean’s list. Had it not been for the first three semesters, it would have been 3.6 but, just as when I was 13, I had to accept that you cannot go back and change the past. One of my friends from C.A. is still my best friend to this day, and is a music instructor who focuses on teaching guitar and keyboard to kids with learning and developmental disabilities.

After college, I did volunteer work (including three summers running a book reading group for kids aged 5 to 9 years old. I also held a full-time volunteer position at a large regional food bank. Then I worked at a PetsMart for just shy of three years. My mother decided to have me evaluated again, this time at the Ladders program office at Massachusetts General Hospital. She hoped a more formal diagnosis would allow me to seek assistance through Mass Rehab in establishing a career. We were both naïve about how state rehab services operated, and their limitations, back in the mid-90’s. Three things happened at this point that derailed my life.

1) I came down with a stomach flu that worked both ends the first day and had me dry heaving for the next two days. I developed intense pain in my abdominal area and was convinced I either had food poisoning or appendicitis. Somehow, even though I could neither lie down nor sit straight, I drove myself to the hospital. I languished in the emergency room area for over three hours as the pain remained as intensive as ever. I finally made a stink and mentioned something about a lawyer. In my pained, panicked, and disoriented state of mind, that proved a serious error of judgement. A nurse did give me the glucose IV drip I had requested hours earlier but, several minutes after she left, three other nurses presented me with questions about my feelings, my family and work relationships, and my sex life. I’ll admit to not being verbally sanguine with them, given the level of pain was still causing me to sweat. I found out later that the involuntary commitment paper had already been signed prior to this “interview” taking place. I had no idea it was a psychiatric intake!

2) This caused some interference in our plans for an evaluation, but I was sent over to my HMO clinic that evening and released. The evaluation took place three days later at Ladders of MGH as scheduled. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. But the hospital visit saddled me with an unjustified mental health record that cannot be erased, and scars that mar my trust in medical and social worker professionals. To this day, that trust must be earned – no more blind unquestioning faith.

3) The attitude of my Mass Rehab counselors suddenly shifted away from finding a steady full-time job. Now I had to get evaluated for medication before they would offer employment services to me. One alternative offered was a catering program for supported employment (sub-minimum wage, no benefits). This sudden shift came as soon as I asked them for advice on how to handle the malfeasance of the hospital. My own naïveté proved more harmful than any disability could have.

So I was left to find a couple of odd jobs, while I spent many days in avoidance behavior shut up in my room playing video games on my computer. Then, I got it into my head to learn more about Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. There was no degree specific to developmental disabilities I could afford at the time, and there were few of them. I was aware of ABA at the time only in the context of its rigid, Pavlovian stereotype. So, even if there had been degrees offered in ABA and not just certificate programs (as there were at the time), I would have eschewed it given my recent life experiences. Instead, because I had a Minor in Sociology as an undergraduate, I chose to get a Master’s in Applied Sociology at UMASS-Boston where one professor was doing survey research in the area of autism service availability and family stress. It was a decent education, and the work-study led to my Master’s paper, but the internship I was promised somehow fell through after it was too late for me to apply for another one. So I ended up graduating without any work experience in the field, much to my chagrin. Luckily, as with my undergraduate education, I paid entirely for my Master’s degree from my savings.

My search for employment was stalled after graduation due to two things. One was my parents and I becoming homeless for three and a half months because the “help” my grandma promised my mother to help relocate “fell through” (she never intended to help, she just has a compulsion to see her non-favored daughter make bad choices – at her urging and against my mother’s better judgement – so she can be critical when things inevitably go horribly wrong). The other was courtesy of Osama Bin Laden on 9/11. We know what that did to employment. Again, I turned to odd jobs, but eventually found longer term employment. I have worked in a military clothing store one year, and recently ended three and a half years of employment in a corporate mail center. These are not what I had in mind when I originally thought of learning about Autism to find training methods to improve myself as well as help out ASD children.

Two years ago, midway through my mail center position, I discovered social networking sites MySpace and Meetup.com (and more recently FaceBook has gotten me in touch with a number of my old high school friends). Soon after, through MySpace, I met the most amazing woman. She also had Asperger’s Syndrome, went through many of the same school bullying experiences (though her home life was a bit less terrifying), and shared many of my interests. I fell head over heels too quickly, which turned her off to me, since she didn’t feel the same way about me. She had also recently been hurt and used in a relationship that was just sex on the side for a guy already in a relationship (for which she was never told), so I came at a bad time. It was because of her that I grew in self-confidence (and facial hair), and started pursuing social opportunities aggressively through Meetup.com and the young adult ministry at Grace Chapel. Thankfully, I am working to repair this relationship and I hope we can at least remain friends.

That being said, I was rather shocked when I found out that this girl chose to seek her Master’s degree in Applied Behavior Analysis. This piqued my interest to say the least. I have since learned that ABA is nothing like the stereotype and that the use of aversives was fading from the science of behavior modification as far back as the 60’s. Since my dear college friend and music teacher teaches to multiple types of learners, and suffered from severe dyslexia in school, he introduced me to Ronald Davis and his methods for treating disorientation in several types of learning disabilities (self-developed by Davis to help his own strong dyslexia). Some of these methods appear to parallel what I have been reading about in ABA and I would love to study the effectiveness of the Davis methods (the where, how and why) in light of modern ABA practices. I’m also interested in determining if any of his techniques could be adapted to train self-awareness in social situations (a benefit not only to myself if it could be done, but as yet another tool in the ABA teaching arsenal). I am grateful to anyone willing to give me such an opportunity, especially those willing to give me hands-on experience with Autistic children.

I’ve always gotten along pretty well with coworkers and managers on the job, with the exception of a couple individuals who had something to hide (an attitude about a third party or personal malfeasance) and had concerns about my being privy to them. I will definitely report malfeasance as it relates to work performance, including gross violation of ethics, since this impacts the integrity of my employers, workplace safety, and expectations of clients. Concerns over my ability to adhere to expectations of confidentiality are otherwise unjustified. I have kept many secrets of coworkers and a few of past supervisors. Some would have gotten them into trouble, most common being smoking a non-tobacco product in the privacy of their home. I am concerned for the health of friends and coworkers, but I’m not one to pass judgement. Everybody sins. Everyone makes mistakes. We all live in glass houses. I don’t cast stones.

Where my neurocognitive challenges have gotten me into trouble is in communication and listening. Through work with a neuropsychologist and membership in a Toastmasters club, my eye contact and voice projection have improved. These are easy to train. Not so easy is the fact that some interactions have a social component that have to be explained to me in two or more different ways before I understand what is being conveyed. And I still sometimes forget to state what I am talking about before launching into the middle of a subject with someone. Either one can prove an annoyance to supervisors and, occasionally, coworkers. Thus, it is clear to me that, while training has improved certain aspects of my communication, I still have issues with intuiting the awareness of others to my thoughts, motives, and personal state of mind.

Proper nutrition, adequate sleep, and social activity through coworkers, Meetup.com, and Toastmasters, are all necessary components of better social communication. I cannot learn what I have been taught without the means or the environment with which to practice skills. One component I miss from my life is a structured learning environment, such as graduate school, that engages and tests the limits of my cognitive abilities and grants access to sources of information (Gale Expanded Academic Index, Science Online, and Psych Net, among others). I have always enjoyed academic research and, while editing information overload into a concise paper can be a hassle, I have been successful with this in the past. There is a French saying that we learn best by doing. Now I need an education where I can actually apply what I learn.

In behavioral science, I offer several unique perspectives. One is a strong written and verbal ability to convey how an autistic mind processes his environment, and what motivates both my actions and interpretations of others’ actions. Another is my understanding of PTSD, whether the cause is school bullying or a source closer to home. Finally, how faith in God, the unwavering dedication of my mother, and support from friends, has awakened in me a need to develop my social concepts and find ways to maintain self-awareness in social situations where I need to intuit others’ state of mind. My mind is no longer closed to ABA and the teaching concepts of behavioral science. I can go beyond keen observation of behavior to framing the knowledge gleaned and actually apply it toward teaching social concepts and self-advocacy. I am forever grateful to that young MySpace woman with Asperger’s Syndrome, for opening me up to new experiences and challenging my preconceived notions of early intensive therapy.

I am a survivor of many tribulations to be sure. According to the textbooks, given my experiences, I should be a disturbed individual prone to self-destructive habits. Instead, my purpose for living is the hope that I can one day be a mentor for others like me, and provide the conceptual learning and support I wish I’d received when I was young. I even hope to one day buy a multi-family home and provide at least a few gentlemen on the Autism Spectrum a place to live at affordable rates. My previously closed mind took me in a direction where I learned about services and the stress families with Autistic children often experience, but it didn’t take me where I needed to go in terms of a career in Autism consulting. Ten years later, I am looking to academia once again, seeking those willing to take a chance on me, those willing to offer me a second chance. I believe Autism, like Dyslexia, is a learning disability whose limitations can be compensated for, depending on the individual, to a greater or lesser degree. I have a desire to be a role model for those less advantaged, such as Autistic children and teens living in poverty, broken homes, or simply misdiagnosed until they were older. I have learned so much, through my own troubled childhood, my employment, my academic experiences, and painful personal lessons. At life’s end, sooner or later, we must question what it was all for. What was any of it for? To have existed is not enough. Existence is futile. I want a life. To pursue one’s passion is to truly be alive. It would be a travesty if my experiences boiled down to serving burritos at Taco Bell. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. I offer you the opportunity to help mould it.

The following article deals with successful professionals with dyslexia, but it also applies here.

http://www.careertrainer.com/Request.jsp?lView=ViewArticle&Article=OID%3A33637

Picky kids, picky eaters - Your kids can eat vegetables!

I understand many parents' concern over the health of their child whose dietary preferences are as narrowly focused as their interests. When it comes to vegetables, autistic spectrum children are hardly alone in their avoidance behaviors. And, like normal children, they probably recognize parents being fake when eating a spoonful of peas or broccoli and going "Mmmmn. Delicious!" Come on! Who do you think you're fooling? :-) Yet vegetables ARE important to their health.

Here is an approach that I feel may be more honest and empathetic toward how your child feels, using one particular meal. Whatever meal you choose to cook, it should have these in place:

• Make sure there is at least one desirable food item in the dinner your child will eat.
  
• Kids tend to like comfort food, such as macaroni and chicken, or sweets like candied yams. Whatever foods your child desires most can be used as an incentive.
• Time your cooking so that the vegetables are done 20 to 30 minutes ahead of the meal.
• Your seasoned, skinless chicken and macaroni casserole should be put in the oven to bake at the same time your vegetables have finished cooking.
• Set up your dinner table and serve the vegetables first, ahead of the meal.
• Rather than patronize your child, start eating the vegetables in front of him or her. Resist the temptation to act like they taste better than they really are.
• Tell your child vegetables are not your favorite food either, but eating them keeps you from getting sick (true, since they provide nutrients essential for your immune system). Tell your child that he or she should eat their vegetables if they don't want to get sick. Let them know that you want them to eat their vegetables because you love them and want them to be healthy, not because you are punishing them.
• Finally, let your child know that he or she can have as much macaroni, chicken, and dessert he or she likes just as soon as it is done baking - but they will have to eat their vegetables first. This incentive will hopefully create the desired result.
  
• If your child plays the waiting game and refuses to eat his or her vegetables in spite of this, try this: As the food your child likes to eat comes close to being done, remind him or her periodically of how much time is left before the desirable items are to be served, followed by "You might want to finish those up." This will remind him or her that the vegetables must be eaten before they can continue their meal and create a sense of time pressure. Don't overdo the pressure, though. Be sensitive to your child's emotional limits.
  
• Find ways to hide vegetables in other foods, camouflaging color and texture if possible.
• Chucking a bag of cooked peas into your child's macaroni and cheese isn't going to cut it. I HATE peas and carrots in my macaroni (I'll tolerate broccoli or mushrooms if they are coarsely chopped).
• Try whipping cauliflower in your blender (if an older model, you may have to steam them first) and cooking your macaroni until al dente. Then, mix your cheese sauce or powder with the creamed cauliflower (not simply chopped) and substitute olive oil (extra virgin) for the amount of butter called for (to reduce fat). Mix it into the macaroni, put the mix into a casserole dish with seasoned bread crumbs on top, and bake it at 325 degrees for a half an hour (along with the seasoned, skinless chicken you have prepared).
• Fresh rosemary, garlic, or dill on the seasoned, skinless chicken will add a little more vegetable nutrient to your child's meal hopefully without offending his or her taste.
• In most cases, when your child gets hungry enough, he or she will eat some vegetables to get it out of the way (these always disappear from my plate first), so they can finally eat the good stuff. If your child ate most of his or her vegetables, and the rest of dinner is already turning cold, you may have to settle for a partial victory the first few times around.
• Remember: ALWAYS praise your child when he or she eats their vegetables. That's not patronizing like "Mmmmn. Delicious!" That's showing your child that you really do mean it when you tell them "I love you." Make eating vegetables an honest, caring affair for them.
  

If your child has a meltdown during this process, use only some of it or scale down your demands until the child has learned to master this form of delayed gratification on a smaller scale. Please don't come back and tell me your child was traumatized by what I wrote here. This is an idea, not a clinical procedure. I have absolutely no training in psychology or nutrition whatsoever, apart from what I have learned to maintain my own health. Only you know the emotional limits of your child. Whether you find this helpful or unhelpful, please send me any feedback you may have. Thanks.

Time to shop this thing around.

I think it is high time I shop this thing around and try to garner interest in this thing. I want this to be a public feed for what's on the minds of those of us who believe the Autism Spectrum and the Learning Disabilities Spectrum are disabilities to be overcome through training and therapy, not diseases to be cured and eliminated from society. Anybody feel the same way? Join this blog and help it become a public face for our views. Patriotism is for the masses. Patriautism is for us. As cited here, the term is deeply offensive to me. What I resent, however, is that the word has been hijacked from what should have been its proper use - blind love for the neurodiversity community, where any reference to autism has no negative connotation or stigma attached. While intended as a voice for the neurodiverse community, this blog is also dedicated to reclaiming the right to our own definitions because it is by these with which we define and present ourselves to the world.

Three terms that should be added to hate speech legislation are "retard", "SPED", and "spaz". But that's just my opinion. If anyone reads this, let me know what you think.

And Happy Independence Day!

We're different, we're disabled, but we're NOT diseased!

As we grow older and wiser, those of us on the Autism Spectrum begin to understand some things we never understood growing up or, sometimes, even during our early adulthood years. Concepts such as the many aspects of social boundaries and social vetting (self-promotion) begin to dawn on us rather late. We don't really care a whole lot more for these things, but we simply realize that these are necessary labors to maintaining relationships and avoiding those who would unfairly take advantage of us. Along with myself, I personally know of several who are currently going through this difficult process of cognitive adjustment. While difficult, it is tremendously rewarding as we slowly and steadily accumulate a coterie of close and dear friends, and become wise to the hallmark patterns of solicitous self-promoters, slanderous professionals, and sociopaths who would treat us without conscience at all.

This process is made more difficult by some in state disability service and vocational rehab agencies who believe they are the ultimate authorities and arbiters of what we are capable of and what we "must or must not" be allowed to do in terms of career choices, social activities, living arrangements, and intimate relationships. Some assume that a broken home, psychological trauma (family death, divorce, etc.), or lack of normative communication skills, necessitates a pharmacological solution as a predicate to services of ANY kind, be it psychological therapy, social skills training, vocational training and placement, or housing assistance. Those who would medicate us without understanding how we adapt to life's difficulties, how we managed to survive before we turned to them for help, are NOT doing us a favor with this approach.

If we are seeking social skills training because our social communication issues are making an intimate relationship rocky, for example, that doesn't mean that we need pharmacological treatment for our "depression" and a months-long waiting period before we are "ready for group". This is great for the careers of the treatment professionals. In the meantime, the relationship has ended and the resulting depression is having consequences on sleep and work performance. But wait! It's state services to the rescue once again! It's no wonder so many on the Spectrum have become trapped in a cycle of dependency, not unlike the welfare boondoggle of the 1970's. Of course, I am writing from the perspective of having been relegated to playing ball with state services or getting put on endless "waiting lists" that are the equivalent of warehousing in the State of Massachusetts, but I have read of similar complaints from those in other states as well. This type of "treatment" on the state providers' terms rather than on the client's terms (as in normal doctor-patient relationships) is a broken horse that needs to be put out of its misery.

H&R Block offers many tax preparation courses to those who wish or must prepare their own taxes. H&R Block does an excellent job of providing this service to millions of American families each year. But what if the IRS decided that, because of our social-communication issues or neurocognitive affect, we needed to be evaluated on a pharmacological treatment before being allowed to enroll in such a course? If they received a set amount of public money per patient that more than offset their costs of filing extensions on our behalf, why not provide the extra service for us? In fact, why not penalize us for not acceding to their "treatment" so we can learn how to get our taxes done and paid on time? After all, we're "special" and deserve "special treatment" from IRS Big Mac Daddy. We want to make sure that underpaid and underserved people on the Autism Spectrum are paying their fair share into the system, by whatever means is most expedient, right? Sounds ridiculous, but that's exactly how some state services behave toward those who demand more customized service than they are able to give, and more respect than they are willing to show. So long as they are legally detailed to "help" us, no civil liberty is too high a price to sacrifice on our behalf.

That is why I am ending this first blog entry with Bon Jovi's anthem for our generation.

"It's my life! It's now or never! I ain't gonna live forever! I just want to live while I'm alive!"